Up in the Air
by Dr. Michaela Quinn
Summary: The uninterrupted flight to England gives Rayford the opportunity to begin a relationship with his senior flight attendant. He must decide what to do when he's going through the motions of his marriage while holding Hattie on the side.
1. Chapter 1

Rayford stepped out of the cockpit and saw Hattie and Tony talking quietly.

"Hello," he walked over to them and they both looked up with a smile. "I thought I'd take a sun up stroll. How are our passengers?"

"Everything seems to be in perfect order Captain Steele," Tony replied.

"I'm glad."

He leaned over and whispered to Hattie before he excused himself. Hattie brushed her hand down Rayford's arm when Tony was far enough away.

"I wondered if I'd see you before we landed." She said softly. Acknowledging it would be his first response to her touch, Rayford gently put his hand on Hattie's waist. Her eyes sparkled as he focused on them.

"Of course I'd come find you," he said. He'd taken Hattie for dinner many times in the last several years, but this time was different. This would be when he'd ask her about beginning a relationship. It could be the final crack between him and Irene, but he'd felt their marriage was over for years already. Although he would be four thousand miles away, he wouldn't have to tell Irene. Could he have the best of both worlds? He knew it wasn't fair to Hattie, but she knew he needed to stay married for Ray Jr. As long as he took a breath and relaxed, he'd be able to figure it all out.

"Ray? Captain Steele?" Hattie asked softly. He was pulled back to reality and saw her worried expression. "You look pale. Are you alright?"

He cleared his throat and shook his head. "Long flight," he finally managed to get out. "I'll get some breakfast before we head to the hotel... Want to join me?"

"Why Captain," she blushed, but smiled smugly, "you've never been so nervous asking me to join you for a meal. Do you happen to have more than eggs on your mind?"

Rayford refused to confirm or deny her accusation. He didn't want to show her his feelings until he was sure what they were.

"I should go back into the cockpit and see that Chris can handle the plane."

Hattie chuckled and touched his shoulder again before she walked away. Rayford tried to push the thoughts of Irene, Chloe and Raymie out of his mind as he watched Hattie walk away.

"How was everything?" Chris smiled as Rayford slid into his seat.

"Fine, just fine." The rest of the flight was routine, but Chris and Rayford were still tired after the landing.

"I'm ready to get some sleep." He admitted.

"So am I," Rayford said carrying his flight bag, "but I need to get some food first."

"I'd join you Cap, but you'd have to carry me to the hotel."

"Get some sleep Smith. I have no intention of carrying you anywhere." As he walked through the terminal, Hattie walked up behind him.

"I think first officer Smith can take care of himself," she smiled.

Rayford reached for her bag and deliberately brushed his hand against hers in the process. They found a quiet restaurant not far from Heathrow to eat. After they were seated and ordered a bottle of red wine, he took his hand in hers.

"Hattie, I've done a lot of thinking lately- about my life, about us..." He took a breath and looked into her eyes. "I'm ready to start a relationship with you. We've known each other for years and I've grown to know you. I'm attracted to you."

Hattie smiled softly, but looked at the table. He could hear her feet move under the table before she cleared her throat.

"I'm attracted to you Rayford," she paused, "but is this just because of Irene's devotion to the church? If she wasn't so into her faith would you still love her? Am I just a-"

"Hattie," Rayford said squeezing her hand to stop her. "This had nothing to do with Irene. Yes, her obsession might have put a bigger wedge between us, but there's no future for us. I love you Hattie. I love _you._ It's been hard and taken a while to sort everything out because I didn't want to hurt Raymie or Chloe, but I'm tired of hiding it."

"Ray," Hattie blushed unable to speak. "I never realized."

"I didn't want you to because after my children, you are the next person I didn't want to hurt. I care about you so deeply, I have a long time." Slowly, he leaned up, reached across the table and kissed Hattie for the first time. Her sweet lips were better than he'd imagined and he could smell her perfume It took a few more sniffs before he realized it was a bottle he'd purchased for her.

* * *

Rayford groaned irritatedly as he laid in bed. Hattie raised her head to look at him as her hand remained on his chest.

"Is something wrong?"

"I was going to call Irene and tell her when we landed. That's all she asked of me when I left yesterday." He picked up his cell phone and dialed home. Rayford stared at his wedding ring as he waited for her to answer the phone. He had been unfaithful. Things were so far south he wasn't sure they could repair things, but he knew he'd always been faithful and that was gone. Her voice was so cheerful when she answered the phone that he wanted to get sick.

"Late flight? You thought you'd land hours ago."

"Things got caught up and I had dinner with the crew before we got some rest to avoid jet lag."

"Okay," she said. That was another thing to get Rayford. She was always so trusting even when she had no reason to be anymore. "Well, I need to go get Raymie. We'll see you when you get home. Remember you promised Raymie you'd go to church with us Sunday."

He groaned loudly. "Do we have to discuss this overseas now Irene?"

"It's for your son! Besides it couldn't hurt you to go every once in a while," she sighed. "Never mind, I didn't say anything. We'll see you in a few days."

"Yeah."

"I love you Rafe."

Rayford paused unsure of what to say. He didn't want to mumble an " _I love you"_ that he wasn't sure he meant anymore, especially not with Hattie leaning against his arm.

"Bye Irene." He hung up and sighed. Rayford felt Hattie rest back against his chest and run her fingers down his bare skin. He'd had the miles between him and his wife and the courage to suggest a relationship with his senior flight attendant, but did he have the ability to live a double life back in Chicago? He knew he was about to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'll be in to see you as soon as I can," Hattie said and touched Rayford's shoulder as they stepped into the cabin of the plane.

"I look forward to it," he smiled. She pulled her hand away when she saw another flight attendant walking towards them.

"Captain Steele," she said with a smile.

He tilted his cap. "I know you ladies can take care of our passengers."

"Yes Captain," Hattie smiled.

Rayford walked into the cockpit and started his pre-flight paperwork as he waited for Chris Smith to come in. An hour or so later they got off the ground and headed back towards the states.

* * *

For the first time in several days, Rayford realized he wasn't wearing his wedding band. He'd taken it off after talking to Irene. He felt justified in his relationship with Hattie, but somewhere deep down he felt a small level of guilt. Rayford pulled the ring out of his wallet and slid it back into place on his finger. Even though he'd worn the same band for twenty years it looked and felt foreign on his hand- just like the place he'd fallen in his relationship with Irene. The entire ride back to Des Plaines from Chicago, Hattie rested her hand on his. The cool touch made him smile and he tilted his hand occasionally to squeeze it. Before they got to her condo, Hattie laid her head on Rayford's shoulder. She was reluctant to get up when he pulled into a parking spot right in front of her building.

"I'll see you in a few days. We have another flight Monday."

"That's several days Ray."

"Maybe I can come over this weekend. We can talk about our future."

"What future? You said you love me, but we both know you won't leave Irene."

"Let me try to work out a few things out and maybe I could. It's all about taking care of Raymie. He's eleven years old. Soon he'll be old enough to understand that parents have problems and don't always stay together."

Hattie nodded in response to his statement. "So I'll see you Monday?"

"I'll pick you up early and we can go for breakfast before the flight. Irene knows I won't be home until Thursday. That gives us a few days to talk."

She smiled and gently kissed his cheek before she got out of the car and closed the door. He watched to make sure she got in before driving off. When he got to the house Irene was alone sitting on the couch reading her Bible.

 _Great,_ Rayford thought, _she's ready to pounce for my attitude in London._

He put down his flight bag and stood there a few minutes before he couldn't wait any longer. "Where's Raymie?"

Irene looked over at him. "Rayford, you're home... He's at his friend's house down the block."

"Yeah," he rubbed his shoulder. "Okay... Well, I took somebody home so she didn't have to wait for a cab."

"Miss Durham?" Irene didn't even try to hide her concern that time.

"Yes, she needed somebody and I didn't want to leave her all alone."

"How kind of you," she said sarcastically and tried to refrain from rolling her eyes.

"Irene..."

She sighed. "Rafe, I'm sorry for pushing about church. You promised Raymie you'd go and I should have left it at that when you were so far away. It could have waited until you got home." She walked over, wrapped her arm around him and leaned into the same shoulder Hattie rested her head on just an hour before. He'd always found himself attracted to Irene, even at forty, but right then he found himself wanting to hold Hattie instead.

"I can't go to church this week."

"Rayford, you told Raymie you would. He's been so excited."

"I can't. You can tell him that."

"If you aren't going, you'll be the one to tell him and break your promise. That's something you've become fairly comfortable with."

"Irene!"

She shrugged and pulled away from him. "How can you look at him and say no again?"

"I wasn't thrilled with the idea of going before. They don't need or want people like me in your church," he muttered.

"What in the world are you talking about Rafe? Church is just as much for you as it is us, maybe even more so."

"I just can't do it. I'm not going."

Irene turned away from him for a while before she looked back up at him with tears in the corners of her eyes. "What changed when you went to England? You didn't like church, but never said you weren't the kind of person for church." She was silent for a long time. "'I've never beat about the bush with you Ray."

"Yes, one thing I admire. You are direct and to the point."

She nodded. "You have spent a lot of time with this Miss Durham- taking her home from the airport, you're on a lot of the same flights, do you have something going on with her?"

"What?"

"I smelled the Chinese food Rayford! I trust you because you have always been my straight arrow captain, but I'm smarter than you give me credit for sometimes. I feel you slipping away." She sniffled, but fought to keep her composure. "Are you seeing her?" Rayford couldn't look at her. He was surprised that she'd even been able to realize things were getting that bad between them or the connection he'd had with Hattie due to her preoccupation with the church. "Your silence has said it all."

"Irene," he tried to get a hold of her, but she refused. "It wasn't going to be like this... You weren't supposed to find out this way." He said softly.

"Like that would make it any better?" Her eyes were stone as she glared at him, but then softened as she started to think of their son. "We... we won't tell Raymie... He doesn't need to know. Not yet, not until I've figured out what to do." She paused and looked him dead in the face. "Do you love her? Is your relationship with her over or is ours?"

"I don't know," he finally muttered just barely able to squeeze the words out. With that, Irene rushed up the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

"Irene," Rayford walked into their bedroom. "Please, come here," he sat on the bed and tried to hug her but she wrenched away. The tear drops rolled down her cheeks.

"I had suspected there was something going on for a while," she said quietly with her back to him. "I prayed it was my imagination, or maybe a nearly harmless flirtation with a younger woman, but you aren't sure if you love her and can't say your relationship is over."

"I love y-"

"No, don't insult me Rayford. If you loved me this Hattie wouldn't be a problem."

"Are you saying you want a divorce? Doesn't God and your church forbid it?"

"Not in the case of infidelity," she sighed and wiped her eyes. "If you can honestly tell me things are over between you, we can try to work it out... The trust is gone, it's damaged but could be mended, in time, if we work through it."

"So I have to put in countless hours for Pan-Con, then come home to eat crow and I'm supposed to be happy with that?"

"I love you Rafe. You've broken my heart yes, but I still love you. I'm not the one who put us in this situation."

"Oh you aren't?" He exclaimed. "You gave your heart away a while ago to somebody who isn't me."

"Is that it? Don't blame God and my relationship with Him for your choice to cheat. That's not fair. I love Jesus, but that shouldn't make you feel threatened. He has shown me how to start being a better wife to you and mother to Chloe and Raymie."

"It feels like a competition to me Irene..." He sighed, "when I fly I'm respected for my position and authority. I feel uncomfortable in my own home. I'm the project, the crazy unsaved person you need to rescue before Jesus returns."

"It's because I love you and I worry about you that I want you to find that relationship with Jesus."

"Well, I'm done being your project." He left her in the bedroom alone and she allowed the tears to fall as she cried out to God.

"Jesus, I love you. Why would this happen to me and Rayford? I've tried to be the wife you called me to be for him to give me what feels like a slap in the face. He's brought another woman into his life." She cried so hard she couldn't continue speaking and let her heart cry out to God.

* * *

"Pastor Billings would say you have a reason to get a divorce Irene," Jackie stated a few days later when they were at the park with their kids. Irene looked over at her.

"I know I do, but when Rafe and I got married I meant it when I said til death do us part, even if he only meant until some pretty, young thing turned his head..." she sighed. "I can be plain, but I was always enough for him before." Irene scoffed. "He actually said my belief in God is what forced him into her arms."

"That's a lie from Satan. He cannot blame you for his decisions."

"But he is. He actually compared me getting saved to his relationship with the flight attendant... We have children, but I don't want Raymie to be the reason we stay together because that'll make it worse for him. If Rayford could say 'yes I made a mistake, but it's over' I could try to move past it, but he hasn't and I'm not sure he can which is why I'm in this difficult spot."

"What is God telling you?"

"I've been praying and will continue to do so until I get an answer. I'm afraid it might be one I don't want to hear, but I'll follow wherever the Lord is leading us," she paused. "Thank you for letting me talk."

Jackie touched her hand and smiled. "That's what friends are here for."

* * *

Rayford stood in the bathroom of Hattie's condo after a long necking session. He ran the water over his hands and then wiped his face.

 _What am I doing?_ He thought. _I'm not a cheater... I am now._ He couldn't get the hurt look of Irene's out of his mind. Rayford tried to shake it off. This relationship with Hattie was two people who admired and respected one another and enjoyed each other's company as well as being attracted to each other physically. He couldn't remember the last time he desired a physical touch from Irene. Sure she was attractive and worked to stay fit, even after staying home and raising two children, but he didn't want her that way. He'd never even thought of their intimate relationship in almost a year. It wasn't for a lack of trying on Irene's part, but it always came with a cost. Sometime in the evening church and her concern for his soul would come up. He couldn't take it anymore. He stepped out of the bathroom to see Hattie on the phone. He sat next to her and she took his hand. After she hung up, Hattie turned back to him.

"I've added an extra flight to my schedule this week. Just down to Atlanta and back."

Rayford smiled as he observed Hattie's jawline, her cheeks and blonde hair. He wondered different times what a beautiful woman fifteen years his junior saw in him, but he wasn't about to complain. He never felt old, but Hattie made him feel so young when they were together.

"What?" Hattie asked as she tilted her head with a smile.

"Nothing."

"Do you have to rush home?"

"It's probably better that I didn't," he replied and shook his head. "Irene found out and she's probably boxing my things now. She hadn't when I left, but it's been several days since we discussed it."

"I must admit, I thought you'd never have the nerve Rayford." He nodded in agreement. "That's an awfully big step for you."

"I want to get a place in Chicago. We'll be close to O'Hare."

"What about your son? That'll make an hour distance between you."

"There has been an emotional difference for years Hattie-"

"because of me?" she asked quietly.

"No Raymie and Irene have pushed me away with their talk of church. I have felt isolated from my family for a long time."

"What about your daughter?"

"We've always been close, but I don't see her much since she went to Stanford several years ago."

Hattie nodded. "So it's just us."

"You and me against the world," he smiled.

* * *

Rayford returned home later to find the living room, kitchen and dining room empty. "Raymie? Irene?" He called going up the stairs. He stopped when he saw Raymie's door cracked. He stood outside and listened. To him, it sounded like Raymie was crying

Irene sat on the bed and rubbed Raymie's arm. "You can invite him another time."

"He won't go," Raymie sniffled. "He hates church Mom. I pray for him, but the situation doesn't get any better. I want him to go to Heaven with us."

"Oh I know you do sweetie. I pray for your dad and Chloe every day." Irene kissed his head, turned off the light and walked out of the room. She was surprised to nearly run into Rayford in the hallway. "Rafe."

"You told him?"

She nodded. "Somebody had to. We'll deal with the other matter later."

"I'd like to deal with it now Irene," he said and she walked towards their room and they closed the doors. "I'm not happy. I haven't been for a long time. How do you feel? It has to affect you."

"Oh it's affected me Rayford. I keep going through our marriage to try and figure out where we got off track to end up here... I love you Rafe, in spite of everything. Maybe we could work it out."

"I want a divorce Irene." She bit her lip and tried to fight the tears pretending the last five words out of his mouth weren't the final punch in her stomach. She nodded and gently wiped her eyes.

"I won't force you to stay if that's what you want."

"I'm going to get a place in Chicago, preferably near the airport. I'll always be there for Ray Jr. and Chloe."

Irene stood staring off into space for several minutes before she cleared her throat and looked over at him with her arms crossed. "Are you going to marry her?"

"Eventually I'd like to."

"I don't know what to say here Rafe. I don't think I should give well wishes to the man I built a life with as he marries his mistress." She walked past him and fled the room with the tears flowing. Rayford sat looking around the room for quite a while. When he went down the stairs he saw Irene covered in a blanket with the light off and T.V. on. He turned it off before he turned around and walked back towards Raymie's room when he went upstairs and saw him asleep before reopening the french doors to his room and got into bed for one of his most fitful nights of sleep and the last night in Mount Prospect.


	4. Chapter 4

"Chloe, come over and we can talk."

"I don't want to hear what you have to say Dad. I came home for Raymie and for Mom. I'm disgusted with your behavior! I know they have different beliefs than us, but you've just-" she sighed. "There's no excuse for this."

"Please Chlo-"

Click.

Rayford held the phone in his hand. He couldn't believe Chloe, his flesh and blood, his pride and joy, had dismissed him that way. They were so similar he expected her to understand more. Irene preached at her just as much as she did Rayford, and she had to have become just as sick of it. As he sat on the couch and thought of his daughter he saw Hattie walk into their apartment in his peripheral vision.

"Hey Hattie."

She beamed as she walked over and sat down. "Ray, I have something to tell you." He looked at her waiting for her to continue. Sometimes her pause between sentences got on his nerves. "We've lived together almost a month now. I know you and Irene have to be separated two years before you can get divorced-"

"What's the point Hattie?"

"I'm pregnant... We're having a child Rayford." He sat back on the couch. "Did you hear me?" She asked with a smile. "We're going to have a baby... I know that the situation isn't exactly ideal, but there's nobody I'd rather have a child with."

"I've raised my family..." Rayford said softly and Hattie's face fell.

"You don't want it?" Her voice quivered. "Do you not want me? I thought we were together. Irene was your past and I was your future. You said that Ray!" She exclaimed. "I gave up my condo in Des Plaines to move in with you. Was it only physical? I'm nice to look at, a play thing, but you don't want me as your wife?"

Rayford looked over at her as she continued her episode nearly in tears. He touched her hand.

"You caught me off guard that's all. I do need you. You're my future and it's more than just a physical relationship. I'm happy about the baby Hattie, I'm just upset about Chloe."

"What happened?"

"She's home, but doesn't want to talk to me. Who knows what Irene is telling her."

"She wouldn't say anything negative about you. You know that."

Rayford nodded. He thought that could be true, but at one time he thought he knew Irene too.

* * *

The next day he drove to the house where he saw Irene's car was gone. Rayford was relieved, hoping he could talk to Chloe without her returning home while he was there. Even more, he wanted Chloe to understand his point. It had always been Rayford and Chloe against Raymie and Irene on so many issues. He walked inside and saw her sitting on the couch channel surfing.

"Where's your mother?"

"She took Raymie to a birthday party." She replied flatly without looking up at him. "I don't know when she'll be back, so why don't you crawl back into whatever hole you came out of?"

"Chloe," he said as he stood next to the couch trying to remain calm and not get angry. She looked up at him and scoffed. Chloe stood up and went to walk away when he put his hand on her arm. "Please listen to me."

"Are you coming home?"

"No," he replied and looked at the ground. Rayford couldn't believe how uncomfortable he felt in the presence of his own daughter.

"I have nothing to say and I certainly don't want to hear your excuses!" She paused. "I know Mom drives us both crazy with her beliefs but you know I let her tell me and even pretend to take an interest sometimes. You could do that too instead of running into the arms of a flight attendant! Mom has cried herself to sleep every night, did you know that? Or even care how you hurt her? Remember last year when I thought I was going to marry my boyfriend but he broke my heart by graduating, going to Europe and getting married? I know the pain Mom's feeling! I may not agree with her about spiritual things but I'll never forgive you for hurting her and Raymie like this. You are destroying our family. You leave Mom for this Hattie person and you are no longer my father. I'll go to Stanford and you'll never see or hear from me again!"

"Chloe-" he started, but stopped as she rushed up the stairs. He knew it was a difficult adjustment for all of them, but one day they'd realize it was better for everybody this way... Rayford sighed, who was he kidding? He knew it'd hurt Chloe and Raymie, but he just didn't care. His selfishness and desires were put before his own children. He just wished they'd realize one day that life could be okay this way too. They weren't losing him, they'd gained a step mother who did care about them and a brother or sister. Raymie had wanted a sibling for years but Irene and Rayford agreed Chloe and Raymie were enough. He would finally get his wish. If only he could get them to see it that way.


End file.
